Since initiating my Weekly Tips in 1999 I have avoided the area of sex in relationships. No particular reasons just didn’t think that my tips were the forum for that subject. I am a bookstore browser and the other night while pursuing the self-improvement section looking for ideas for the title of the 63rd book I turned around and I noticed an entire wall devoted to books on sexuality. I decided it was time to put my two cents in. So in the framework of a short article here’s my take.
Keep in mind that the following are generalities. Reminds me of one of my favorite quotes by Mark Twain. “All generalizations are dangerous, even this one.”
Men want more sex, and women want more love. Men think about sex more often than women. Men want more action, and women want more cuddling. Men want to get it started, women want to make it last. Women want more kissing, and men want more touching. These differences set up numerous opportunities for conflict, frustration, and unsatisfied expectations.
Sex is good. Sex is an important element of all relationships, whether your idea of good sex is once a day or once a month. Whether it is just about cuddling and foreplay or complete sexual intimacy. When one partner has an over-charged libido and the other has the sex drive of a turtle, you can potentially have problems in this area. Or, you can use these differences to make sex special and memorable. Sex also has numerous health benefits from reducing your stress to improving your physical stamina. Moreover, learning about Wie wirkt Viagra can also boost your sexual prowess.
Sex drive and sexual practices vary with every individual and every couple. Some people let their religion get in the way of sex. Others worry about physical appearance. Some people have a variety of conditioned taboos about anything from kissing in public to having sex with the lights off.
I have heard all kinds of complaints from friends about their partner’s sex drive or their sex life in general and to be honest, I have also on occasion complained about the quality of my sex life over the years. As far as I am concerned, there is no right or wrong, good or bad, acceptable or unacceptable in the ‘privacy of one’s own bedroom’ as long as both partners are in agreement and willing.
Unfortunately, sex is often used as a manipulative tool. One partner may utilize guilt, anger, grief, sadness, or some other emotion to manipulate their partner into giving them what they want sexually.
Sex can also be used by one partner to punish the other. Your needs are not being met, so your attitude is, “He/She won’t get what he/she wants from me, either.”
If there are any emotional issues plaguing your relationships like unexpressed anger toward your partner, disappointment in them, frustration with them, or any other psychological symptom I guarantee that sex will be very low on your agenda. I won’t go into the gory details here but I know of couples who have not had sex for one, five, and even ten years – how sad. But, obviously, there is something else very wrong going on beneath the surface in their relationship. Can these issues be resolved so that couples can once again have a healthy and loving sex life? Yes and no. It takes both people to be willing and I will tell you that too often one of them will dig their heels in for some reason and that’s when the passion and intimacy in that relationship ended.
Many people expect their sex lives to continue forever the way it was when they were dating or first married. This doesn’t mean that sex needs to or should end on your 65th birthday. I believe that healthy sex life can continue well after you receive your AARP membership card. Sex and love are not the same things. Sex is a physical expression of love that is saved for one’s special partner. Sex can be a spiritual union and experience, or it can be merely a physical act, with one person waiting for it to end. When it is more than a physical act
Sex is not about the frequency, but the quality of the shared love experience. If your sex life is only about a quickie once or twice a week, I will guarantee that it lacks emotional fulfillment for one or both of you. When sex is only a physical act, it will leave both of you wanting something more, something to satisfy your soul’s craving for love.