Category: Relationships

Are You Lonely In A Relationship

Being lonely is a frightening threat to more and more people in our world today. John Cacioppo, professor in the field of social neuroscience at the University of Chicago, …

Being lonely is a frightening threat to more and more people in our world today. John Cacioppo, professor in the field of social neuroscience at the University of Chicago, has studied the topic of loneliness. His studies, published in the Psychological Bulletin, show that loneliness exists apart from the number of social contacts a person has. A Facebook account with thousands of contacts doesn’t mean the person isn’t lonely. Moreover, it is possible to feel lonely in a crowd or set of friends, as loneliness is not something physical, but an intense feeling of social isolation.

Cacioppo claims that the brain looks different in people who feel lonely versus people who don’t. He and his team found that the lonely brain had a weakened neural response to positive stimuli. It means that positive events, social contacts, and happy images don’t register in the lonely brain in the same way they do in the brain of the person who doesn’t feel lonely. Additionally, in order to move away from this feeling people often end up with some of the Top hotel Babes Den Haag as well. 

Cacioppo studied mice, and he found that loneliness led to increased aggression and withdrawal, and in the long run, deterioration of the brain. Other negative consequences of loneliness are a lowered function of our immune system, an increased risk of cardiovascular problems, and a raised risk of anxiety and depression. So we can conclude that loneliness leads to a lot of negative issues in a person’s life, physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Marriage offers no protection from feelings of loneliness. Other studies have shown that an estimation of 20% of the general population experience chronic loneliness. 62,5% of these people are married and lived with their spouses.

Loneliness often distorts our self-image, and as such, the relationships we have. We may perceive other people as less caring and committed than what is true, and as such, we don’t feel contentment in the relationship. In the attempt to protect ourselves from more hurt, we can easily start to be suspicious and coldhearted, and as such miss out when our spouse actually shows us affection. This usually pushes our spouse further away.

Loneliness among married couples often occurs over a period of time. We may feel grieved by the distance and sense of disconnection that slowly increases as the years go by. The quality and depth of conversations declines, and becomes a pure transaction of information such as, “Your dad called” or “Did you pay the rent?” We can also easily be occupied with routines that help us avoid interaction such as watching TV and playing computer games.

“I feel lonely in our marriage! What should I do?” A marriage where one or both spouses feel lonely is like an overgrown garden. Perhaps the garden used to be full of fragrant flowers, newly cut grass, and well-trimmed bushes, but now there’s only dry weed everywhere. You may feel the same way in your marriage. You and your spouse haven’t looked after your marriage, so your relationship is “overgrown” and full of “weeds.” So what do you do now? You need to start to work hard on getting rid of the weed, re-plant, water, fertilize and give time and space for new growth. This will require practice and patience, but will sooner or later bring forth a harvest. Here are a few things you can do:

  1. Start by getting rid of the “weed.”

Don’t wait for your partner to start; start yourself. If you feel lonely in your marriage, chances are your partner feels the same way. Acknowledge the “weed” in your own life such as annoying habits, unkind comments, and selfish behavior, and avoid them.

  1. Change the way you talk.

Try to initiate conversations about other things than just a transaction of information. Ask about your spouse’s view on something and genuinely listen to the response. Don’t expect a sudden change, but it may take a little time.

  1. Initiate experiences you can do together.

Ask whether your spouse would like to watch a movie together or simply sit down with him/her as he/she watches something. Perhaps you can suggest cooking together or buying tickets for your spouse’s favorite sports game or movie. This may be less “threatening” than a restaurant visit if you felt distanced in your connection for a prolonged time.

  1. Show little acts of love.

Give a gentle but short pet on the back when passing by, or try putting your hand on your spouse’s if you sit on the sofa watching TV together. Take things slowly so it doesn’t feel awkward for either one of you.

  1. Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes.

Take a few minutes to imagine what it would be like to be your spouse. What do you think he/she feels/thinks and longs for? Attempt to understand your spouse more and what he/she feels and thinks.

  1. Be patient.

It often takes time to change a relationship and start to feel that “team-spirit” again in between you both. Be patient, because action brings a reaction sooner or later.

Don’t be afraid to face the naked truth if you belong to those that feel lonely (if you’re not sure, do our evaluation test. Like Charles Friend once said, “The most painful truth can be the most important truth. Accept it, it can change your life.” As we face the truth about our circumstances, and ourselves, it would be the first step to see a change in that particular area. Strength and courage to you as you face loneliness and as you set your heart and hands to work towards re-connecting afresh with your beloved spouse!

Sex and Relationships

Since initiating my Weekly Tips in 1999 I have avoided the area of sex in relationships. No particular reasons just didn’t think that my tips were the forum for …

Since initiating my Weekly Tips in 1999 I have avoided the area of sex in relationships. No particular reasons just didn’t think that my tips were the forum for that subject. I am a bookstore browser and the other night while pursuing the self-improvement section looking for ideas for the title of the 63rd book I turned around and I noticed an entire wall devoted to books on sexuality. I decided it was time to put my two cents in. So in the framework of a short article here’s my take.

 Keep in mind that the following are generalities. Reminds me of one of my favorite quotes by Mark Twain. “All generalizations are dangerous, even this one.” 

 Men want more sex, and women want more love. Men think about sex more often than women. Men want more action, and women want more cuddling. Men want to get it started, women want to make it last. Women want more kissing, and men want more touching. These differences set up numerous opportunities for conflict, frustration, and unsatisfied expectations.

 Sex is good. Sex is an important element of all relationships, whether your idea of good sex is once a day or once a month. Whether it is just about cuddling and foreplay or complete sexual intimacy. When one partner has an over-charged libido and the other has the sex drive of a turtle, you can potentially have problems in this area. Or, you can use these differences to make sex special and memorable. Sex also has numerous health benefits from reducing your stress to improving your physical stamina. Moreover, learning about Wie wirkt Viagra can also boost your sexual prowess.

 Sex drive and sexual practices vary with every individual and every couple. Some people let their religion get in the way of sex. Others worry about physical appearance. Some people have a variety of conditioned taboos about anything from kissing in public to having sex with the lights off.

 I have heard all kinds of complaints from friends about their partner’s sex drive or their sex life in general and to be honest, I have also on occasion complained about the quality of my sex life over the years. As far as I am concerned, there is no right or wrong, good or bad, acceptable or unacceptable in the ‘privacy of one’s own bedroom’ as long as both partners are in agreement and willing.

 Unfortunately, sex is often used as a manipulative tool. One partner may utilize guilt, anger, grief, sadness, or some other emotion to manipulate their partner into giving them what they want sexually.

 Sex can also be used by one partner to punish the other. Your needs are not being met, so your attitude is, “He/She won’t get what he/she wants from me, either.”

 If there are any emotional issues plaguing your relationships like unexpressed anger toward your partner, disappointment in them, frustration with them, or any other psychological symptom I guarantee that sex will be very low on your agenda. I won’t go into the gory details here but I know of couples who have not had sex for one, five, and even ten years – how sad. But, obviously, there is something else very wrong going on beneath the surface in their relationship. Can these issues be resolved so that couples can once again have a healthy and loving sex life? Yes and no. It takes both people to be willing and I will tell you that too often one of them will dig their heels in for some reason and that’s when the passion and intimacy in that relationship ended.

 Many people expect their sex lives to continue forever the way it was when they were dating or first married. This doesn’t mean that sex needs to or should end on your 65th birthday. I believe that healthy sex life can continue well after you receive your AARP membership card. Sex and love are not the same things. Sex is a physical expression of love that is saved for one’s special partner. Sex can be a spiritual union and experience, or it can be merely a physical act, with one person waiting for it to end. When it is more than a physical act

 Sex is not about the frequency, but the quality of the shared love experience. If your sex life is only about a quickie once or twice a week, I will guarantee that it lacks emotional fulfillment for one or both of you. When sex is only a physical act, it will leave both of you wanting something more, something to satisfy your soul’s craving for love.

How To Get Your Ex Back?

Do you want to get back your ex-boyfriend? That’s probably why you are here, right? It does not matter who broke and why it happened, what matters is you …

Do you want to get back your ex-boyfriend? That’s probably why you are here, right? It does not matter who broke and why it happened, what matters is you want him back. Now you must be wondering how to get your ex boyfriend back when the road is already so rough.

Well, there is a reason he is your ex and if you really want him back, then you must erase that reason from his memory. In order for it to work, you have to believe that things will work out between you and him and you two will be happy again. If you already believe it that but your ex does not, you must work on convincing him. Here is how you can do that:

  • You need to be a better version of yourself, better than what he remembers you were. That not just includes being better in your behavior, but better in your looks too.
  • Forgiveness is really important because if you can’t forgive each other, you can never be together again. Get over whatever wrong happened and click the reset button.
  • Don’t find a new guy to make your ex jealous. In fact, look for a smarter way of making him jealous. If you mingle around with other guys and post pictures on Facebook with random dudes, it will just make him feel hurt and hate you.
  • Now it’s time to make the move and initiate the contact. Don’t text or call, you need to see each other. Don’t show him you are desperate, throw in some temptation. Most of all, do not sleep together! Just change yourself and let him see that.

Remember one thing, the whole point of this agenda should not just be to get back your ex but to actually KEEP him.